It can be very helpful to have a trick or two up ones sleeve to do whilst in pause mode. Taking a deep breath in, holding for a second or two, and slowly exhaling, helps to control the tendency to hyperventilate when angry/upset, and also appears to others that you are ‘in control’ and being thoughtful. Personally, I also like to put a hand over my mouth (fingertips on lips pointing up). This gives a clear, non-verbal indication of “I’m listening and thinking carefully about this”. Using a pause, is the first lesson in gaining control.